Six stores I'd love to see go bankrupt

This year, many businesses will go belly up. It's sad and unfortunate but the economy is in shambles and.... what the fark am I talking about this isn't a god damn economics blog.

Let me dumb this down to my level. Stores are closing. There are stores I hate and I feel serve no purpose in the lives of normal folk. I wish they would close. These are those stores.....(Ed note-got nothing against the people working in these stores. They are doing the work of angels.)

1.) Arby's- Save it Arby's fans, the place is a dump. First of all, I will never eat a product that is simply called 'beef.' The Beef & Cheddar. The Beef & Grundle. Beef is a tricky way of saying 'slices of unknown vermin.' I had a "Roast Beef & god knows what" as a kid and it was like biting into the arm fat of an old Italian woman (except not as slimy).

2.) Abercrombie & Fitch- This store only works in California, Florida or places with year- round warm weather. People don't need to dress like surfers in 40 degree weather. The only time kids in rural Louisiana get to surf is during hurricane season. And the prices are obscene. I don't mind paying good money for clothing but I'm not paying $60 for the same faded polo as the kid in the food court who just took a pic of his junk and posted it on Twitter (what can I say, I am a follower of his). If I wanted 100 holes in my jeans I'd keep stealing them from the homeless shelter (same time I pick up my free lunch). And can we get the open cologne bottle out of the god damn ventilation system for a couple hours? I could smell the store all the way down by Auntie Anne's and frankly it made me so sick I could barely finish my Glazin Raisin.

3.) All Movie Theaters- Name the last time you had an enjoyable movie experience. I didn't ask the last time you saw a good movie. The movie has nothing to do with it. When was the last time you went to the movies, everyone showed up before the movie started, sat down, turned off their cells phones, stuck an overpriced box of Goobers in their 6-month-old kid's mouth, shut the hell up and watched the movie. It's an outdated concept. People can no longer do things quietly in large groups. Except mime orgies. Those still work.

4.) Blockbuster- I am counting the days my friend. It's only a matter of time. Hollywood Video- GONE. West Coast Video-OUT. Movie Gallery-BU-BYE. I will dance on your grave and piss on your three hundred copies of American Pie: Band Camp. Remember that extra $10 you charged me in late fees for not returning Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory even though I dropped it in the overnight box a day early? Payback is a delicious, everlasting Gobstopper of a bitch.

5.) Jo-Ann Fabrics- Somebody wake up the cross-stitchers, scrapbookers, and the old ladies that embellish their own sweaters with pretty buttons and dazzly cat faces, they just passed out at the mere thought of their beloved Jo-Ann Fabrics ceasing to exist. What will they ever do with their time? Oh, how about...have a life! Look, everyone needs a hobby. These aren't hobbies. They are activities invented to shut kids up at summer camp. Those kids never grew up. Dear Aunt Darlene, I don't need a new sweater that has all the New York Giants names and numbers stitched into the back. And it's Manning. Not Manling. Imagine if Jo-Ann did fold and the company had a clearance sale? Quacker Factory broads throwing punches over yards of flowered fabrics. Absolute carnage.

6.) Spencer's- This move could cripple the penis pop manfucturers and naked chick/rock band poster printers the world over but does this store really serve a purpose? Have you ever in your life said 'I just have to run to Spencer's for...' If you have you were probably looking for something obscure like an OLD FART trucker hat for your dad that was funny for the first 11 seconds and now sits in his closet next to his catheter. Spencer's tricked me once by closing my local store for about a year but then it opened up new and improved with double the coin bank/pants dropper statues. I hope the Hot Topic emo workers burn it to the ground in a gang battle.

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