Come Back When it Ain't Rainin'

October 20th, 2007

It's raining. It's a sneaky rain; the kind that slips down through the openings between your body and clothing, soaking you from the inside out. The rain that mists in your eyes and forces you to rub them constantly. You rub so often the skin around the lids gets raw. The bitter October air turned the rain colder than a spray from a garden hose on the first semi-warm day of spring.

I can give such a detailed description of the precipitation because I spent twenty minutes in it, displaying rental bikes to ride down the path that runs along the river. People drove by and stared as I lined up each bike as fast I could even though I was already drenched and would remain that way the rest of the morning. I looked to them as dumb as I felt.

I thought of the people I'd like to call a jackass at that moment. The first was a general group comprised of the tourists in town who looked outside the window of their room at any of the several bed and breakfasts in town and thought it would be a perfect day to rent bikes. The second jackass was a specific person who happened to also sign my paychecks. That jackass is also warm and dry inside the gym watching as each bike gets blow the opposite direction of it's kickstand, knocking the rest over like dominoes.

This is what I get paid to do. The manual labor he doesn't feel like doing. This is considered a 'managerial duty.'

Dean wants the bikes out every day. Rain or shine. Though it always feels like it's raining. Or cold. Or miserable. The weather a reflection of my usual mood. He realizes that no one will rent bikes in bad weather but the bikes are stored in a room no bigger than my hall closet called the ab/stretch room. The members complained about the bikes taking up what little space was available in the ab/stretch room so I have to take the bikes out every morning to appease the members.

The old ab/stretch room, at least four times the size, is now the home of the BODY BARN FITNESS FUNZONE (trademark pending). I prefer to call it the WORST IDEA EVER but that wouldn't look as good on the marketing pamphlets. A huge contraption of zip-gliders, teeter-totters, rock walls, swings, balls, seats and a hangman's noose (I wished) it resembled a boot camp course for the mini-Marines.

The idea of Dean his wife, the BODY BARN FITNESS FUNZONE (you get the idea) was purchased for just over the sum of 'way too God damn much' and targeted the members and locals with children who were into physical fitness. The kid's could workout while parents workout and everyone could workout together, yet seperate, and be one big, physically fit family. The family that exercises together, stays together.

The BODY BARN FITNESS FUNZONE (trademark pending) has brought in six kids in the two months since it's erection. Of the 400 members currently enrolled in the gym, roughly 50 have children in the correct age group to take part in the classes. Of those 50, about four were interested. In that time the gym has lost 20 members and 10 potential members who didn't want kids running around while they work out. It has also angered more than a dozen members who don't like the size of the new ab/stretch room.

The BODY BARN FUNZONE (trademark pending) has been ONE COLOSSAL FINANCIAL MISTAKE (trademark approved).

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